Who knew having friends that care about me would make me hate myself even more. Who knew asking me to hangout could cause me to freak out and have a panic attack. I’m so stupid. Fuck.
I hate when people ask me ‘How are you?’, because I never know how to respond. The question always brings up the memories of what had happened the night before and even thoughts that I had 3 months ago. One question, is really all it takes to just break down. I could be having a great day and someone asks me how I am, and I just loose it, even if i was happy 7seconds ago. It’s as if its the devils question.. But how are you?
This girl that I really wasn’t entirely friends with turned out to be such a big part of my life. At the beginning of the semester, I didn’t know what to think of her. I hadn’t really talked to her but I also didn’t talk to very many people at that point either. Her sense of style was very different than others but at the same time I thought it was cool. I thought it was very vintage and it suited her personality very well. The one day when I asked her to have lunch and I told her all the stuff that only a handful of people knew, she looked genuinely concerned about me and it seemed like she had wanted to help. A this point I wasn’t really sure what to take out of the whole situation because I wasn’t someone who asks for help. I’ve never liked asking for it and I probably won’t ever go out of my way to ask. But thinking about it all now and looking back, if I hadn’t told her, I think I would have been in such a worse state of mind and ad of now, I don’t talk to her as much or nearly as much as I should but if I could I would want to say thank you, because I don’t think I would have said it 3 or 4 months ago.
Stay Strong <3